We all have people in our lives who stress us out or cause drama. You know the ones I'm talking about—the chronically late friend who leaves you waiting around for hours, the family member who constantly asks for favors but never returns the generosity, the coworker who dumps their unfinished tasks on you minutes before they walk out the door. These people can be a pain to deal with. But learning how to set boundaries with them, and even letting some go entirely, can do wonders for your mental health and lighten your load.
Why Some People Stress You Out
Before deciding to let someone go, it's helpful to understand what exactly grinds your gears about them. More often than not, they tend to demonstrate one or more of the following behaviors:
1. They Disrespect Your Time
You make plans to meet at a certain time, yet they stroll in 45 minutes late without so much as an apology text. Or they commit to something with you but cancel last minute, leaving you in the lurch. Both demonstrate little regard for your schedule.
2. They Break Commitments
They agree to specific responsibilities in a shared project but never follow through. Worse, they try to conceal their failure to deliver rather than being upfront about needing an extension or help.
3. They Don't Reciprocate
Whether it's favors, generosity or simply emotional support, they're perfectly happy taking from you but hesitate (or outright refuse) when it comes to giving back. They demonstrate little awareness of healthy two-way dynamics.
4. They Unload Their Problems
We all need to vent now and then. But some people view you as little more than a receptacle for dumping their drama, worries and complaints. It's rarely reciprocal, leaving you emotionally drained.
Why It's Worth Letting Some People Go
So why bother cutting ties with difficult people? Is it really worth the hassle and hurt feelings? In a word, yes. Here's why:
1. Less Stress, More Peace Of Mind
High-maintenance people inject unnecessary chaos into life. Letting go lifts a weight from your psyche. Freed from their chronic issues, demands and crises, your days become smoother and more tranquil.
2. Stronger Boundaries With Others
Tolerating disrespectful behavior trains people how to treat you. Dropping rope loosens this conditioning and emboldens you to set stronger personal boundaries moving forward. This filters out other energy-sucking people from entering your circle.
3. More Room For Positivity
When you're no longer bogged down by someone's self-imposed melodramas and negligence, you suddenly free up emotional bandwidth. This creates space for more supportive, reciprocal people and undertakings that align with your values. It's incredibly liberating.
Tips For Letting Someone Go
Letting go of a longtime person, even a trying one, brings its own pain. Here are tips for making separation less messy:
1. Reflect Thoughtfully First
Unless dealing with outright toxicity, don't decide to end a relationship in passionate haste. Sit with your choice first, preferably while journaling. Explore if reconciliation is possible and whether you might later regret permanent separation.
2. Communicate Directly
Don't just ghost them. A candid conversation is more ethical and prevents assumptions. Yet some people refuse accountability when called out. If you suspect explosive reactions, a phone call or letter may be safer than an in-person chat.
3. Set Clear Boundaries
Spell out exactly why the relationship is no longer working for you plus specific behaviors that must change. Outline consequences if boundaries go ignored. This gives them an opportunity to correct course or opt out themselves.
4. Leave The Door Open (A Jar)
For less acrimonious splits, tell them you're open to reconnecting down the road if certain evolutions in self-awareness occur. This plants a seed for potential positive growth rather than just wrath and defensiveness.
5. Expect Guilt Trips
Steel yourself for manipulation tactics intended to make you feel guilty for pulling away. From tearful entreaties to pointing the finger back at you, don't let their words make you question your resolved choice.
6. Give It Time And Space
Just because you want to separate doesn't mean they'll instantly respect that. They may barrage you with calls and texts or randomly show up places they know you'll be. Continually reinforce your request for space until they can demonstrate understanding.
7. Refuse To Be A Sounding Board
When trying to detach from someone's cycle of melodrama and poor choices, refusing to feed into it is key. When they attempt to turn you into a sounding board again, politely decline to engage. Recommend speaking with a counselor instead.
8. Block Them If Necessary
Hopefully cutting contact clears up confusion and helps initiate healing for all. But some troubled people turn to harassment and verbal abuse when rejected. Don't feel guilty about blocking their number or screening emails if you suspect vindictiveness. You owe no one access to you.
Letting people go, especially those entrenched in your history, pulls at the heartstrings. But sometimes it's the only way to reclaim your peace and path forward. Trust your instincts—you'll know when someone's chaotic aura clouds your days too much. And don't be afraid to prune away their thorny branches so you stand a chance of feeling the sun again. The view is brighter when you're not tangled in someone else's mess.
I offer counseling and clergy services. For more information, visit https://www.pastorservonteephriam.com/. For weekly podcasts and livestreams, catch me on https://www.therealephriampodastshow.com/.
Pastor Servonte L. Ephriam, a native of Los Angeles, California, is a dedicated professional with a passion for helping others. With a wide range of certifications and credentials, Servonte has established himself as a trusted resource in various areas of counseling and support services. Overall, Pastor Servonte L. Ephriam's diverse range of qualifications and experience make him a valuable asset in the field of counseling and support services. His compassionate approach and dedication to helping others make him a trusted confidant and advocate for those seeking guidance and healing.